Schlake's Quotes File

"Wow, my butthole could be anywhere!"

quote number 1755

I just really hope I don't poison myself one day.

quote number 1754

I call my vagina the dingus glove.

quote number 1753

"I guess I won't do this again."

quote number 1752

"I need an emotional support tequila donkey."

quote number 1751

"I started really feeling sorry for them because they really missed their penis."

quote number 1750

I don't know, I haven't tried to get crabs.

quote number 1749

The difference between adoption and kidnapping is whether or not you go to prison for it.

quote number 1748

Why wouldn't we make the human fistipede?

quote number 1747

You are now the person I plan to eat first.

quote number 1746

No integration, no penetration.

quote number 1745

I'm going to lie down and hope something exciting happens.

quote number 1744

You're following Timmy into my well.

quote number 1743

Only a sick individual would look at these and want to break them rather than pee all over them.

quote number 1742

Well, it's not the worst thing I've had in my mouth.

quote number 1741

I don't know if I smell or not, no one has ever told me.

quote number 1740

We call it riding the pink pony.

quote number 1739

I guess I could go home and keep all my clothes on.

quote number 1738

I showed the child Mr. Happy.

quote number 1737

He's probably used to itching, I've seen his loincloth.

quote number 1736

I am totally willing to throw people down the stairs if that will help.

quote number 1735

I don't like doing it from the other end.

quote number 1734

But I have a really big one!

quote number 1733

I expect to get candy shived at any moment.

quote number 1732

You try climbing when you can't move for three hours without squirting!

quote number 1731

Is it polite to ask a random little girls name who just shows up on your bed?

quote number 1730

When is pooping every the solution to a puzzle?

Apparently now.

quote number 1729

You need a plan to shower?

quote number 1728

That sounds like a great idea. We should all jump off the roof.

quote number 1727

So your touching your own goblet?

It's better than him touching someone else's goblet.

quote number 1726

Well that's what we should be peeing into.

quote number 1725

I'm starting to plan who I'm going to eat first.

quote number 1724

I like evil Betty.

quote number 1723

I have things I can do to corpses.

quote number 1722

You're at the children of towers.

quote number 1721

Ok, I will bleed on the snake.

quote number 1720

Idiots, I shoot better than you.

quote number 1719

Do the tendrils go away when I jump out of the bed?

quote number 1718

I need more boys.

quote number 1717

I don't pay you because you are too big.

Is that what she said?

quote number 1716

It's fun to pull out.

quote number 1715

Who pissed in your cereal this morning?

Natalie Portman

quote number 1714

I out stupided you.


quote number 1713

Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Choke out that orc!

quote number 1712

That looks so much worse than it felt coming out of my mouth.

quote number 1711

I don't remember a lot of peeing and pooping. I remember a lot of semen.

quote number 1710

I wanted a shitton of rum and a sex robot, and I got both. And I was happy.

quote number 1709

Everything outside of America is Norway. Basically Greenland. The little drummer boy was a rapist!

quote number 1708

If she doesn't ask, I'm going to like get her off.

quote number 1707

Don't look! It's a nudist colony!

quote number 1706